In the Face of Death

Let me start here, right at the beginning,
I’ll tell you a story, a yarn I’ll be spinning.
The tale of my life, the ups and the downs,
The highs and the lows, the smiles and frowns.

Not all of it’s pretty, quite messy in fact,
Far from a graceful journey, more like a forest that’s hacked.
I’ve struggled, I’ve fought, been angry and wanting,
Greedily feasting without care or stopping.

Wounded was I from hurts a plenty,
That left me angry, scared and feeling empty.
Going through life with a hidden desire,
To put out the blazing internal fire.

The pot of anger that simmered and grew,
The hatred, the spite that I never knew.
Existed inside and influenced my actions,
Keeping life boxed, neatly like fractions.

Separate parts kept packed away,
Silently hiding because I’d never say.
The sad thing is my spirit I crushed,
And created a life born of mistrust.

Laugh and live happy and free,
That is the way life’s supposed to be.
But far from this regular fairy tale,
Sometimes life can be horribly stale.

It felt as if I was locked in a trap,
Slowly becoming a maniac.
My mind it chuntered day and night,
It built and built on all the fright.

Lonely and scared, abandoned was I,
Further confused, felt like I would die.
I put on my armour and picked up my sword,
There really seemed like no other accord.

I’ll fight my way right through this life,
With my invisible sword and my invisible knife.
The sad thing is I won’t even realise,
That I have donned this armour of considerable size.

Put in place to protect my heart,
Put in place right at the start.
I came here loving, soft and true,
I can here open, fresh and new.

But gradually the wounds built by the day,
Compounding, expanding and getting in the way.
It seemed the only choice was to fight,
To fight and struggle with all my might.

All donned in my armour I took up the attack,
Too scared was I to ever look back.
The trouble was the future came from the past,
Founded on my stories that I’d built to last. 

Repeating the cycle went round and round,
Burying my spirit deep underground.
The power of the stories retold from the past,
Their powerful impact and holding tight fast. 

It wasn’t until that fateful day,
When you nearly took my life away.
As I teetered in the balance between two worlds,
Catapulted forwards a new way uncurled.

You bought me Love, you made me tingle,
Your light so bright came to intermingle.
I’d never before felt Love like this,
The only word might be bliss.

But even this is not enough,
When you try to talk of the invisible stuff.
Alive and gentle, soft and enthralling,
You wrapped me up in a Love adoring.

You melted my wounds, it felt divine,
And offered me a new lifeline.
I took that gift and back I came,
To try  again without any shame.

At times its hard not to be sucked back,
To that life lived as if a maniac.
At times I got lost, I left your warm embrace,
But you guided me back with that invisible trace.

Transmission, volition, true life sublime,
This is the life, the life that’s now mine.
If I told you it was easy I’d be telling a lie.
It been hard for me, the harder I try.

But really this is the secret, it’s easy you see,
So easy to do that you won’t believe me.
When I see the ease I look back and laugh,
At how hard I have made it walking this path.

For the harder I try, the harder I fall,
When I stop listening to the invisible call.
I do not know who you are,
All I know is the Love that comes from afar.

This carries me forward like wings on a bird,
Why I try and go alone is truly absurd.
I’ll keep casting off my armour and laying down my sword,
So that I may live fully with your accord.